Selective perception
The tendency for our expectations and beliefs to shape what we actually see and hear. We notice what fits our view and filter out what doesn't, often without realizing it.
In everyday life
Fans of two rival teams watch the same game and each see far more fouls committed by the other side.
You and a friend who support opposite candidates watch the same debate, and each of you comes away certain your candidate clearly won.
Why your mind does this
Holding steady beliefs lets us act without rethinking everything each time. Favoring information that fits what we already know is fast, protects our sense of being right, and keeps our picture of the world stable and coherent.
Its family, in 30 seconds: Confirms beliefs
How to spot it
Ask yourself whether someone with the opposite view, watching the same thing, would describe it the way you do.
How to counter it
Before discussing an event you both witnessed, have each person write down only what literally happened, then compare notes.